I'm TERRIFIED every time I walk into a Yoga Studio: Day 12

Day 12 @ Sweat yoga. Call me a little dramatic. But I am TERRIFIED every time I walk into a yoga studio. Now, I LOVE everything about this new studio I happened upon in Santa Monica, called SweatYoga. The instructors, Layna D and Jackie are wonderful. This studio is so new, it still has that fresh, clean and new hard wood floor and non-toxic paint  smell to it. As i’ve shared before, I've NOT been a fan of Hot yoga since the last time I slightly passed out in a Bikram yoga class about three years ago. I say slightly, because I was conscious enough to crawl my way off of my dripping wet mat,  out of the door,  into the lobby where I dramatically collapsed onto the floor.

As my body begins to heat up from child’s pose and down dog along with the mild, yet bearable heat in the room, I’m reminded that my uterus has been invaded by non-cancerous tumors.  I can, at times, feel them pressed up against my mat when I’m in child’s pose.  I can also feel them pressing up against my chest as I bend into the triangle pose. This is when fear creeps into my subconscious and I begin to panick. Typically, feeling this foreign mass accompanies some sort of pain or discomfort. Then, i’m reminded to breathe. It’s the most natural function that the mind and body knows how to do; is to breath.  I begin to breath deeply and purposefully.

In the past, there were certain poses that caused my fibroids or the scar tissue from the fibroid procedures Ive had, to flare up. Although the pain isn’t unbearable; it’s what comes along with the pain that TERRIFIES me. It’s the contractions in my lower right abdomen.  It’s when that area of my tummy literally expands and protrudes and then locks up. There’s this mass that builds in my lower-right abdomen area causing my breathing to become labored. I have thoughts of losing control and not being able to breathe my way back to what i consider normalcy.  Although this experience lasts for about five to seven minutes, it feels like a lingering earthquake in my stomach.  The thought of experiencing this type of discomfort and loss of control, affects my ability to fully relax,  let go and full experience my practice.  That's why it's called  a "Practice".  This is why I NEED yoga. Not to say I don’t want and need the running, spinning, pilates, marathons, 3 and 5 k's and weight training; because I do.  However, this is why I continue to push through my fear and do it anyway. This is why, today, i’m on day 12 of 30-days of yoga. Although my goal was to engage in 30-days of daily yoga, I have given myself a pass in knowing i am doing the absolute best I can to show up for myself. SO, when I’m unable to get to a yoga class, I’ll get in a 30-45 minute yoga session in my very tiny apartment or I’ll get in a good workout at 24-hour fitness followed up by some yoga stretches.

Some of the reasons why I am falling in love with YOGA:

.  I sweat from the ROOTY to the TOOTY!

.  I feel connected to my Body and my Breath

.  I feel Empowered and that my desires are POSSIBLE

.  My flexibility is Improving

.  I feel and see my core tightening and shrinking

Since embarking on this journey, January 1, 2015 - I wake up excited about taking yoga. I wake up excited knowing that i’m in control of my mind, body and my decisions. That’s why I’ve decided to include yoga into my lifestyle.  Tell me what changes, inclusions and improvements you’ve made since 2015?

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