A girls' FIRST Love is her Father; regardless if she has one or not!!

I

I’ve been in love with the idea, concept and the reality of choo choo trains since I was a small child. As I head out onto the platform to catch the Amtrak train from Van Nuys to Santa Barbara, for the day, I start to get sentimental. I quietly ask myself, What is it about trains that you love soo much and why”?  Then I remember who introduced me to trains.

I took my first cross-country train trip from Los Angeles, Ca  to Washington D.C four years ago to visit my sister. It was AMAZING! Except, that not until I boarded the train, did i realize the windows didn’t open and I am claustrophobic. I was on that train for three days. The mind is a powerful thing. It can talk you off the ledge if you listen to it. I got to see the Country side from the West Coast through the Midwest ending on the East Coast. It was quite magical. Another bucket list item checked off.

As  I look down the platform awaiting my train, I see a train off to the left side with the words Union pacific, in Big, Bold, Bright red letters painted along its side. That’s when it hit me. I love trains, because I loved my father. He was the one who introduced me to trains. He was the one who gave me my very first Union Pacific RailRoad overalls wearing teddy bear. My father worked for Omaha’s Union Pacific RailRoad.

Although, I don’t have a relationship with my father; I force myself to focus on the good memories I have of him.  And there were soo many good memories.  He WAS a good father.

We have a choice in life. We sometimes forget that focusing on and constantly rehashing our painful child memories, continue to allow us to live our lives as the victim. 

“Look what he did to me.”  “Can you believe what he/she said to me?”  

I know first hand, that this negative self talk is detrimental to my mental, emotional and most importantly….my Spiritual growth.

I’ll always love trains and I’ll always love my father.

Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl - Fee King 

@yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl

yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com

I'm TERRIFIED every time I walk into a Yoga Studio: Day 12

Day 12 @ Sweat yoga. Call me a little dramatic. But I am TERRIFIED every time I walk into a yoga studio. Now, I LOVE everything about this new studio I happened upon in Santa Monica, called SweatYoga. The instructors, Layna D and Jackie are wonderful. This studio is so new, it still has that fresh, clean and new hard wood floor and non-toxic paint  smell to it. As i’ve shared before, I've NOT been a fan of Hot yoga since the last time I slightly passed out in a Bikram yoga class about three years ago. I say slightly, because I was conscious enough to crawl my way off of my dripping wet mat,  out of the door,  into the lobby where I dramatically collapsed onto the floor.

As my body begins to heat up from child’s pose and down dog along with the mild, yet bearable heat in the room, I’m reminded that my uterus has been invaded by non-cancerous tumors.  I can, at times, feel them pressed up against my mat when I’m in child’s pose.  I can also feel them pressing up against my chest as I bend into the triangle pose. This is when fear creeps into my subconscious and I begin to panick. Typically, feeling this foreign mass accompanies some sort of pain or discomfort. Then, i’m reminded to breathe. It’s the most natural function that the mind and body knows how to do; is to breath.  I begin to breath deeply and purposefully.

In the past, there were certain poses that caused my fibroids or the scar tissue from the fibroid procedures Ive had, to flare up. Although the pain isn’t unbearable; it’s what comes along with the pain that TERRIFIES me. It’s the contractions in my lower right abdomen.  It’s when that area of my tummy literally expands and protrudes and then locks up. There’s this mass that builds in my lower-right abdomen area causing my breathing to become labored. I have thoughts of losing control and not being able to breathe my way back to what i consider normalcy.  Although this experience lasts for about five to seven minutes, it feels like a lingering earthquake in my stomach.  The thought of experiencing this type of discomfort and loss of control, affects my ability to fully relax,  let go and full experience my practice.  That's why it's called  a "Practice".  This is why I NEED yoga. Not to say I don’t want and need the running, spinning, pilates, marathons, 3 and 5 k's and weight training; because I do.  However, this is why I continue to push through my fear and do it anyway. This is why, today, i’m on day 12 of 30-days of yoga. Although my goal was to engage in 30-days of daily yoga, I have given myself a pass in knowing i am doing the absolute best I can to show up for myself. SO, when I’m unable to get to a yoga class, I’ll get in a 30-45 minute yoga session in my very tiny apartment or I’ll get in a good workout at 24-hour fitness followed up by some yoga stretches.

Some of the reasons why I am falling in love with YOGA:

.  I sweat from the ROOTY to the TOOTY!

.  I feel connected to my Body and my Breath

.  I feel Empowered and that my desires are POSSIBLE

.  My flexibility is Improving

.  I feel and see my core tightening and shrinking

Since embarking on this journey, January 1, 2015 - I wake up excited about taking yoga. I wake up excited knowing that i’m in control of my mind, body and my decisions. That’s why I’ve decided to include yoga into my lifestyle.  Tell me what changes, inclusions and improvements you’ve made since 2015?

Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl

@yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl

yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com

Have you found your perfect fit? Day 7 & 8 of 30-days of YOGA

In 2009 I was introduced to a book titled "Ask and It IS Given" By:  Esther and Jerry Hicks. I have read this book TWELVE times. Yes. Twelve. This books has been the MOST important piece of writing next to "You are Born Rich" By: Bob Proctor. I now ask and expect to receive that which I ask for.

What I know to be Absolute TRUE is this:

. Growing pains are inevitable to shift your consciousness

.  With Growth & Expansion come obstacles

.  The ONLY reason WE don't have the things we say we want; is because of the thoughts we hold around those things

.  I can Be...Do and Have everything I want AND need

.  Whatever needs to happen for me to get where I'm going...WILL happen

.  I AM  the most important person in my life

My mission to practice 30-days of yoga everyday has been no easy feat. Six days into this journey, I got sick. Not very sick, just a head cold that left my body tired and run down. I knew this was apart of the process and apart of my journey. As much I tried to resist it and push through it; it persisted. I would go to sleep every night, for four nights in a row, planning where I would practice yoga the next day. By morning, the harsh reality that my body was not ready, was crystal clear.

I took FOUR days in a row off from working out and yoga. I started to get a little sad, this past Saturday, when I layed on the couch ALL day. I so badly wanted to move. Instead,  I listened to my body and I am better for it. Those four days off allowed my mind and body to rest. 

Have you ever wanted something so bad, you could see it. Not only could you see it, you could attach colors to it. You could taste and smell it. You could even attach a feeling to it. I even know what kinds of clothes I'll be wearing as I image my new and improved better self. That's the place I've been at in my life for a few years.  This year, 2015, is the first time in nearly five years that  I know exactly what I want for my life. I know exactly what I want to feel like, behave and walk like and how I want to look. I know how I want to move through the Universe; which is  with ease and grace

By day 5 of my cold, I felt like I was at 80% It  was time to get back to my mission. It was time to try the new Sweat yoga. The name didn't initially indicate, to me, that this was a hot yoga studio. Duh! I didn't find out until the night before, when I went online to print out the schedule. I barely slept that night, for having anxieties around passing out in this hot yoga studio. I envisioned these experienced yogi girls with their hard tail or lulu lemon pants with the matching bra tops on just flying through the poses. 

I arrived to a fresh smelling and well ventilated room where I began my love affair with yoga. OMG! I was doing yoga and I was flowing through those poses.  Although I was at the tail end of my cold, I was still a little congested and stopped up. But I didn't pass out. Actually, the heat was manageable and quite necessary. Because of the perfectly heated room, I was able to bend and twist deeper than in any other yoga class i'd taken. Additionally, the heat allowed me to focus on breathing deliberately and deeply. The instructor, Layna, was a delight. There was something about her energy that just felt sincere and genuine. I just liked this chick. What I like most about Sweat Yoga is the fact that they encourage and support you in finding your own rhythm. It's NOT about choreography, but about the breath and listening to what YOUR body needs. Layna has us doing a lot of twisting; which is exactly what my uterus, womb and abdomen need. They play cool music and the class is ONLY one hour long. WhooHoo! I've been in seventh heaven.  When I leave Sweat Yoga, I know I've done something responsible for my body. I've found my perfect fit.

Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl- Fee King  

Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com

@Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl

. 

Is Botox ONLY 4 white people??

My mother used to dis way me from wearing makeup when I was a teenager by saying, "Makeup is for UGLY people."  I would rattle off  a friend's name, who I thought was pretty with or without make up to make my point relevant, but my mother was NOT having it. She would tell me, "Fylicia...you don't need make up. "Your face is fine the way it is."

I didn't start wearing makeup until I was well into my 20's. I wore translucent powder because I have oily skin and of course lip gloss, but not make up. Now that I'm older, I actually like makeup. I'm going through a phase where I'm back to ONLY wearing translucent powder and VERY bright lipstick; while taking a short hiatus from the makeup, i.e,:

.  Foundation

.  Powder

.  Concealer

.  Eyeliner

. Mascara

.  Blush...etc

For the past five years, a friend of mine, has been aggressively suggesting get botox. Initially, I thought, "What are you trying to say?" "Are you saying I'm looking old and tired, I quipped?" So, today I went in for  consultation. I found this place while out making my alkaline water sales calls.  This consultation was  more out of curiosity than a strong desire. I know how essential water is to our skin; as the alkaline water completely cleared my skin of hormonal acne a few years back.  I wanted to see what all the hype was about this botox, fillers and the laser therapies. After all, I didn't know or at least think black women, outside of celebrities, had a need to  mess with what mother nature gave us.  Boy was I wrong. On my way to the medical spa where I was to receive my consultation, I ran by the grocery store and saw the Beautiful and Gorgeous Jada Pinkett Smith on the cover of a magazine. It's always good to see a sistah on the cover of any magazine; especially shape. However, She  looked different from the first time I saw her on Shape's cover. I can't quite put my finger on it, but her face looks full. Her eyes look different and her cheeks look different. I've always known her to have a very think and chiseled face and now her cheeks are plump and more round.

Th Physician's assistant looks at my face and remarks:

. That I have beautiful skin

.  I don't really need much

. She can't believe I'm 44

.  I would only need 20 CC's or something like that

I asked her about fillers, botox, resalin, juvaderm and face lifts of course. Now, I have no idea what any of this means; except that a face lift will have you looking like a tiger or a cat. It's not cute. I don't think those women have friends because my friends would not let me leave the house without telling me that I look like a feline. 

 The PA was very nice and seemed sincere. She wasn't trying to sell me on anything. However, I noticed judgement came up for me. I often wonder if We, as a society, place as much time, emphasis and money on cleaning up  and beautifying the inside as we do the outside; including myself. I know that I am a little vain. Okay, a lot. However, if I start getting this botox, fillers, and the laser face lift stuff, will I become addicted. She told me the cost for the amount of botox solution I would need would ONLY cost me:  $250.00 I  I might need to have it done two to three times a year. Well, shucks! That's less than what I pay for weave hair and a weave. I'm all in. lol. Kidding!!  The brand filler she would use; which would last longer than resalin and juvaderm is ONLY $650.00. I  might need that two-to-three times a year. Hum!! So, my yearly investment on softening my very subtle laugh lines and crow's feet..oh and my forehead lines would be around $2,700, not including tax. 

My take away from today's experience is:

YES .  I have judgement towards those who have work done on their faces solely for the sake of looking younger

.  I am; however, open to the idea of natural and cost effective cosmetic procedures that feel more like preventative as opposed to sheer vanity

.  Both botox and fillers are not nearly as expensive as I thought it would be

.  Where else might I find a use to spend $2,700 other than on my face?

.  I do still think cosmetic surgeries, for the most part, are what Caucasian, European and Asian women do; as the melanin in my skin dictates I don't really need it.   OR is it based on economics??
.  Could I simply be envious of those who:
A.  Can afford it
B.  Take that much stock in their appearance
Things that me you go Hum!!

If that latter bullet point makes me a racist; then ya'll need to cut it out and get over yourselves. You know, Fee King, is not a racist. This statement is based on  my observation, research and opinion.

The Physician's Assistant offered to give me a sample laser active lift procedure; which of course I said, "Yes" to. It lasted approximately 20-minutes. There was no infra-red light, only heat. It felt good. I'll be honest, the difference was so minimal that I didn't see the value.  Things that make me go Hum!

Would you get botox, fillers or laser lift cosmetic treatments?  Why or why not?

Yahollywoodfitnessogotgurl- Fee King

@yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl

yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com

What I RESIST...PERSISTS! Day III and Day IIII of YOGA!

Yesterday, Jan 3rd, 2014 was day 3 of my 30-day Yoga prana.I wasn't feeling it at all. And let me tell you why, "Because I was TIRED! Okay. Yes. I said it, Fee King was tired. Not only that, I hadn't been home in almost a week and I had five loads of laundry to do. I had to clean my apartment and balcony. And, I had to spend quality time with the love of my life. Not, not my boyfriend. The other life of my life, my awesome, yummy and delicious, fat cat named Dychess. So, I opted for some light stretches and rolled around on my back on my yoga mat. There! Okay. I said it.

Day 4 of my yoga experience was ON! I woke up at 7:00 a.m. and was out the door by 7:25 headed to Bhakti yoga on 2nd and Arizona. I decided to take the beach route for some negative ionic ocean charges. Let me not make it sound like I leapt out of bed with a smile on my face and rearing to do some yoga. Not!  It wasn't like that at all. I attempted to create every excuse in the book as to why I couldn't go. I told me self, "Self, you can go later."  "After all, you're off today and you can fit  yoga in anytime today." I then realized, if I'm having this conversation in my head, then obviously I'm awake  and can get my butt to the studio.

I had the same teacher I had the other name, Allen. I like Allen. However, I knew the class would be small; as in just Me. A few minutes before we began, another person showed up. He was a man. Guys you knew that when I referred to him as HE. Awe damn! I was fearful of having another vagina fart and this time it would be in front of two men. I couldn't let that deter me. I'm on a mission. Allen explained that Vinyasa flow is exactly what it says, a flow. He explained it would be much faster, etc, etc. Not to mention, the class is a 90-minute in length class. I don't like long yoga.  That's been one of my biggest issues with yoga; which is why does it have to be so long.

Some of my other issues with yoga would be:

.  All of the women are those skinny chicks

.  For a spiritual practice - the people are a little clickish, territorial and downright snobbish

.  I rarely, if ever, see anyone who looks like ME

.  It's EXPENSIVE!

That 90-minutes flew by. Before we began, we were  told to set our intention for our practice. I set my intention on being present. I just wanted to stay in the Now. Outside of thoughts of ice-cream, popcorn with M & M peanuts, paying my rent next month and sexual positions inspired by the child' pose position I'd like to try, running through my my mind; I feel like I mostly remained present. I didn't sweat much, but over all - it was a really good class. We went through Sun salutation A and B; as well as some other stuff I can't pronounce or remember. I am feeling stronger. I'm feeling more connected. However, my uterus ...or was it my womb, was contracting during the flow. I believe it was due to the (5) 7:00 am. herbs I took prior to the class. I'm sure that means they're working.

Afterwards, I headed down to 24-hour fitness for some extra cardio. I felt like I needed to get wet and sweat.

My take away from this experience, thus far, is to simply keep showing up and believe it will work. Repetition is the mother of all __________ something. I forget how that goes, but if I continue with this yoga thing, I will eventually start to like, appreciate it and get better.

What have you taken on in 2015 that you've been resisting, but know it's for your greater good. Please share.

Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl - Fee King
@yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl   (Instagram)
yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com

What if you pass gas in Yoga? Day II of my Yoga practice

My vision and image of myself is so clear today and that's why I'm embarking upon 30-days in a row of  yoga. Some of these yoga practices will be done at a yoga studio, at my gym (24-hour fitness) or in the privacy of my very teeny, tiny beach side pad; where there's barely enough room to push my tushy back into a downward dog.

The image that I am holding for myself is one where:

  I look and FEEL the part.   I intend on passing my uterine fibroid tumors. They're simply a collection of emotional past trauma trash that I no longer chose to house.  And like any trash, it too can be taken out.  I image myself having even more energy than I do today.  After all, I will be traveling the world empowering and uplifting young women and teenagers with my 1-woman show.

I IMAGE Myself:

.  15-22 pounds lighter
.  Dressing in the kind of beautiful fabrics and designs that my sister, Mrs. Beautejadore, will make specifically tailor to my body, style and budget
.   Looking  10 years younger
.  Living with  a FLAT stomach
.  Being my own poster board for fitness
.   Most importantly, I IMAGE myself being an example, source of inspiration & information for ALL women suffering from fibroid tumors.

I showed up at Bhakti yoga at 7:00 am, with a  new friend in tow, for my second yoga class and no one was there. I will not be discouraged. I didn't allow this temporary moment of defeat into a win.  I walked 1.5 blocks down the street to the 24-hour fitness Express in Santa Monica for a light precor cardio session, where I burned 350 calories. I  returned to Bhakti yoga for their 3:00 afternoon class, where I was the ONLY student. WhooHoo! I get my very own private session. I endured the pangs of knife like feelings that I sometimes feel in my lower abdomen when I bend over towards my toes. I pushed through the short lived cramps from moving in a way my body is not used to. I even managed  to ignore the fart like sounds a woman's vagina will sometimes make when she's relaxed and not tightening her muscles. I know what you're thinking:  This is T.oo  M.uch  I. information. But, it's  not. This is me keep'n it 100% REAL.  This is me being vulnerable and sharing my experience. And...my vagina was queefing. It's actually a medical term for gas in the Vagina.  Now, this has happened to me before, but usually in the privacy of my own home.  Can you believe  I didn't feel embarrassed. I was there to do the work and the work got done. I figured, if this male yoga instructor, named Allen, never heard a woman's vagina queef, then it was about time. lol

While I didn't sweat much in this vinyasa yoga class, it was well worth me coming back twice for the corrective posturing poses Allen showed me. Not to mention, he was very accommodating when I actually fell over onto the floor while doing a pose. Now, that was embarrassing. I was like, "WTFreak just happened." I fell over. I got the opportunity to work with props and to learn what the props were and how they support you in your yoga practice. As much as I did NOT want to do yoga in the middle of the day, I did. And I'm glad for it

While I am enjoying Bhakti yoga, I know that I need to venture out and  try other studios. SO, stay tuned for that. I hope you'll join my blog and share your journey with me.


Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl - Fee King
@yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl
yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com


I

I'm the ONLY Black person in class: My FIRST of THIRTY days of Yoga

I arrived early; as in two hours early. I got the time mixed up and showed up at 9:00, instead of the correct time for my FIRST time committing to a yoga practice. I chose Bhakti yoga.  While waiting, an older gentleman, by the name of Sean approached me and informed me that the New year class celebration wouldn't begin until 11:00 a.m. This meant, I had a near 2-hour wait. I decided to head over to the beach for my New Year's day burning the old and burying it into the sand ritual. Sean informed me that today's yoga class was a special class where they would be performing 108 Sun Salutation poses. It was as if he was speaking a foreign language to me. Based on my facial expression, he could tell I had no clue what a sun salutation was.

I returned around 10:20; as I figured the class would be full of regular yogis clamoring for a space on the floor nearest the instructor or  holding a space for their friends. I just wanted a space  in the back of the room; so that I could look at everyone in front of me to ensure that I was somewhere in the ball park with my yoga poses. I walk into a beautifully painted space and made my way towards this elephant like statue. Who knows why I decided to set up shop next to this beautiful; yet strange looking statue with arms swinging every which way. Based on the flowers, beads and candles sitting atop of the statue, I figured it to be some sort of alter. Thanks to the owner and the yoga teacher,  a caucasian dude with blonde locs in his hair: Govind Das, I would leave the class having somewhat of an understanding of the importance of this magnificent piece of art work.

After Govind visually and audibally explained  what the sun salutation pose was, my body started to heat up all over. I wanted to run out of the door, but I was afraid of tripping over the ten mats in my way. What had I gotten myself into? We were going to be doing this same pose at various paces ONE HUNDRED and EIGHT TIMES over and over and over. Apparently 108 is a significant number in the yogi world. Had I situated my mat closer to the door, I would've left. I'm serious. I'm not advanced in yoga. Not to mention,   I have a super tight hamstring. I was scared. That's when I realized why I was there and why I was making this 30-day in a row commitment to a yoga practice.

WHY Yoga and WHY Yoga NOW?

.  It's an innate feeling that it's good for me on a spiritual level
.  It will help break down the scar tissue I've developed post fibroid tumor surgery & procedures
.  To surrender to the loud noise in my head that I can't hear when I run or lift weights
.  To improve my flexibility and core strength
.  What I resist PERSISTS
.  My heart wants to Open

I wanted to leap into the air at the end when I realized I completed ALL 108 sun salutations. That's when I realized this journey that I am on is NOT about that. It's NOT about how many poses you can twist your body into. It's NOT about how long you can hold a pose. It's really about connecting the breath with the intention and the commitment. I made a commitment the end of 2013 that I would figure out, within myself, what my RESISTANCE to yoga is really about. I've been blaming it on the fact that THOSE yoga people are ALL clickish with their hard tail yoga pants and that way most of them speak from their throats and not their diaphragm. I know! I know! I can be so judgmental. lol.  Not to mention, the fact that I'm typically the ONLY person of color. Hum! Could the fact that I live in Homogenous Santa Monica have anything to do with that??

Well, day ONE of my 30-days in a row at Bhakti was a little different, to say the least. The owner/instructor Govind was:

.  Genuine

.  Kind

.  Inviting

.  Heart Felt and Warm

Several women actually smiled at me via an eye wink. One woman, who had moved my mat nearer to the wall by the time I'd return from posting on instagram, actually acknowledged that she moved my mat and apologized for the inconvenience. Again, I wanted to run. I thought I was being punked by Ashton Kutcher. WTFreak was going on and what's wrong with these people. While in a couple of the movements, I did experience discomfort, tightness a few sharp pangs in my navel area; however, I resisted what was persisting in my body. At the end of the class, two women applauded my completion and encouraged me to stay for the lying on the mat with your eyes closed part of the class. Again, I wanted out. I wanted to leave. I felt myself rushing and I had absolutely nothing to do for the rest  of the day. I had already put my borrowed mat back on the shelf and had my back pack in tow. I relented and stayed. WOW! I'm grateful that I did.

The near 2 hour class eded with chanting words...phrases I have no idea what it was, but it didn't feel like I was worshipping the devil, so I joined it. We danced, raised our hands to our creator. We collectively acknowledged and solitude GOD and  ourselves in 2015.  Drums were playing to our movements and it was quite beautiful. I don't know; as of yet, if Bhakti will be my final home of yoga practice, but it's definitely a good place to start. I plan to take day TWO of 30-days in a row tomorrow morning at 7:00 am. God help me. lol Am I turning into a yogi?

Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl - Fee King

@yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl

yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl@gmail.com