Question ONLY White women ask me!!

“Oh my god…Oh my God. “ I LOVE your hair”.  I hear this often; as in several times EVERY day. I love it. My hairstyle is definitely an extension of my personality. My hairstyle is an extension of my creativity. My hairstyle is a big part of who I have become. I’m a conversation piece junky. I love doing things, wearing things and being the THING that elicits interesting dialogue.  It’s just my personality.

What I don’t like; however, is when Caucasian women compliment my hair, and then linger for the punch line: “Is it yours?”  Men NEVER ask if this is my hair. Black, Latin and most Asian women NEVER ask me if this is my hair.

While in Europe, this summer, the conversation of MY hair came up on a daily basis. Little blonde teenage girls with a thick Scottish accent would corner me in grocery stores and ask me a barrage of questions like:

1.   “How did you get your hair like that?

2.  “Who does it your hair?”

4.  “How do you sleep on it?”

Now! Don’t get me wrong. I’m flattered. I have a great hairstylist  (Nicola) who helps to refine this look. My issue is why Caucasian women think this MIGHT Not be my real or natural hair. It’s quite offensive. It would be the same as me asking women with large breast: “Are those implants you have?” OR, asking a blonde or a redhead if that’s her natural color.

My guy and I were having a late lunch on Halloween in Maui, Hawaii, a couple weeks ago. The hostess fawned over my hair. She just went on and on about how much she liked it, yadah! yadah! yadah!  She then leaned in, as if it was a secret, and asked, “Is that all your hair?” I’d had enough. I didn’t want to come off like  (The Angry Black Woman) that the media can portray us to be.  I politely told her that I found her question to be inappropriate. If it’s on my head, it’s my hair. She turned beat red out of embarrassment. She later came over to my table and further apologized.  She in turn thanked me for helping her to see where she could get better with her tact. 

I finally had to ask myself, “Self, what is it about this question, “Is that your real hair” that bothers you soo much. I had to get honest with myself.  I’ve created a belief that people, of other cultures, don’t think WE (Black women) are beautiful, unless we have some other kind of hair woven into our hair. I feel the same way when people ask me if I’m mixed or biracial.  It’s as if the World is saying you can’t be this beautiful, talented or smart unless you have another ethnicity mixed in with your blackness. Or, your hair can’t be this Incredible, unless It’s  in an altered state.  Whether that altered state be: pressed, permed, two-strand twisted OR weaved.  Maybe I subconsciously believe MY hair isn’t beautiful or good without a weave. Maybe I overcompensate with my hairstyle because I’m sensitive about the state of my natural hair.  You know what they say, if a man has a small penis; he’ll go out and buy a Porsche.   If you’re going to give someone a compliment, just give it and leave it at that. Things that make me go Hum! 

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