I'm at the END of my life!!

His name is Al. I met him while working at the water house this past summer. He’s vibrant, alive and has all of his faculties in tact. He’s ninety years young and he's a charmer.

 

I hadn’t seen Al much this Fall due to my travels. I’m back working at the water store for the month of December ,when Al walked past the door and did a double take. We picked up exactly where we’d left off.  Al has been sharing with me a book that he’s written. He tells me he’s looking for an editor. I ask him a few questions about his book; in order to get a better idea of how I may be able to help him find what he’s looking for. I finally lament and I said, “Al, why don’t you email me the description of what you’re looking for.”  He quips through his sly grin and tells me that he doesn’t do technology. He has no cell phone, no computer, no instagram or the face thing. He then shares with me the importance of him finding someone to edit his manuscript, because  “I’m at the end.” 

It was the first time I fully heard and understood what that meant. After the age of fifty; you come to the realization that life affords some of US  a:

     

.  BEGINNING

.  MIDDLE and

.  an END!

And at ninety years of age, you know that death is inescapable. However, you keep living until it’s your time. With that being said, we rarely think of leaving this gift of a life before we’re supposed to. I think we mostly believe we’ll all live to the ripe old age of seventy, eighty, ninety or if we’re lucky…one hundred years old.

While having a conversation with my sister yesterday, December 20^th, she asked me if I ever planned to return to our hometown of Omaha, Ne. I responded, “This might sound warped, but not unless it’s for someone’s funeral.”  I’d give anything to take those words back today.

I got word this morning that my best friend’s 25-year old son was murdered last night. Not shot and in the hospital.  This YOUNG man is gone. I remember when she was pregnant with Kerrington. I remember coming back home to Omaha, when she gave birth, to meet this beautiful bouncing new baby boy. He was the first grandchild born. I remember watching him grow up from afar and now he’s no longer with us. 

At what point did pulling out a gun, aiming it at a person and pulling the trigger become an:

OPTION

When I was growing up, the thought of shooting another human being NEVER crossed my mind. When you shoot another human being, there is no take back, rewind or do over. There is no recovering from that. 

Today my heart is heavy. I’m in a cloud. I vacillate between anger and confusion.  I don’t feel like myself…at all. I’m not a parent; so I don’t know what it feels like to outlive your baby. I can only imagine what my best friend is going through and it has the words:

.  PAIN

.  ANGER

.  FRUSTERATION

.  CONFUSION 

.  SADNESS  and

.  Emptiness   written on it

We’ve all heard the adage that:

Life is short

Tomorrow’s not promised to anybody

Don’t put of  tomorrow; what you can do today

Better to have loved and lost …than to NEVER have loved at all

Life is 4 the living

Let no day go by without telling the people close to you…that U love them. Cherish and hold one another up.  Change begins at home. If we teach ALL children that ALL lives are an asset and that their life matters;  maybe then we’ll see fewer black boys killed at the hands of other black boys. 

I’ll never forget Kerrington’s smile and his cute little laugh. The last time I was in Omaha, he shared with me his love of music and how he wanted to come out to Cali to pursue his rap career. I’ll forever remember how much love he showed his mother and siblings. He was a spitting image of his father Kerry Baker. I send my BFF Love, Light and compassion during her time of need.  Tomorrow’s NOT promised to anybody

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